Shadow Work Day 7

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Hello, lovelies!!! I hope today is starting off well. We did it a week of shadow work completed. How is everyone feeling? This journey for me has been a healing but painful one, and we’ve only just begun. Today’s questions are based on a video by the even wonderful Teal Swan it’s called OVERLAY (What Prevents You From Having a Real Relationship) – Teal Swan. Now some of you are probably wondering what overlay is. I really recommend you watch her video as she gives an amazing explanation. Here is a brief explanation. An overlay is an idea we have created in our heads that prevent us from seeing reality. For example, we see our boyfriend or girlfriend as this overprotective, truly dedicated person. Our friends and family see a controlling, obsessive tornado about to tear us down. We have created an overlay of this person because we are so desperate not to be alone and we want someone to love us above all else.

The prompt: Where do you have an overlay in your life? What are the consequences of that? How can you change that?

 

This is a concept I know way too much about. I have spent most of my life living in overlay’s and refusing to face reality. I would cast people in roles and they would inevitably disappoint and the overlay would blow up in flames, so I’d create a new one. Thus the cycle would continue. My consequences were pretty severe. I lost a lot of people and created a lot of mistrust with the people that were left.

Financially I was always at the lowest place I could be and I kept myself there to feed the overlay I had created. Now in truth this something I used to do like the plague. Since becoming more self-aware, I tend to do it less often. There are definitely times I still fall into overlay mode as I like to call it. It usually happens when something is super important to me and I am terrified of it going wrong so I only allow myself to see the picture that works for me.

The difference is now I am more aware of that happening and so I am usually able to catch myself before it goes too far. I also keep people around me who can see where I’m blind.

An overlay is a tricky concept, and painful to move out of. It’s not always bad to have overlay as long as you can still see reality.

My Affirmation for today: My reality is beautiful and exactly what it is supposed to be, for that I am grateful.

 

As always, thanks for listening, feel free to comment down below.

Love and Light Morrigan.

Shadow Work Day 6

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Hello, Lovelies! I hope your day is going well. It’s day 6 of shadow work and today’s question is one I have struggled with for most of my life.

Take a look at the best and most enjoyable part of your life right now… what are your fears in that area?

 

At this point, my whole life is super enjoyable and awesome. With that comes automatic fear. ‘It was all going to go bad, I am going to lose everything and everyone, I don’t deserve this. People are going to see the truth and hate me.’ Some of the basic mantras of my fear, this mantra always causes me to fall into the same cycle, fall into a deep pit of negativity and sure enough, everything goes wrong. I have lived this cycle my whole life. There is a difference this time I finally understand truly how the cycle works. I had created a specific reality with my thoughts which was I live a life of struggle. For that reality to work, I had to make sure there was a struggle. How do I do that? Well, I allow myself to behave in ways that drive people away and financially ruin me. Thus allowing the cycle of struggle to continue. Great so now what… 28 years of reprogramming to correct. How does one even begin that?

The same way I tore myself down I can build myself back up. Telling myself that I don’t live a life of struggle, that this is not who I am. All this pain and suffering is not a normal concept form. I am used to prosperity and goodness. I keep repeating that until it becomes my cycle. I know I make it sound easy and simple, I also know it’s not. If it was I wouldn’t be doing a summer of shadow work. That being said it is doable if your willing to push through.

Now for my daily affirmation: I am beautiful

Intelligent

Kind

Loving

And Authentic

Enough!!!!

 

Thank you all for listening please comment down below!!!

Love and Light Morrigan

Shadow Work Day 5

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Hello lovelies, I hope you’re doing well. Today’s questions come from 2 different places. This first being Refuse to take No for an answer, by Marisa Peer. In this video, she goes in-depth about self-defeating behaviours and how we can turn them around. She focuses a great deal on how we judge ourselves and how we allow the judgment of others to control us. The other is a song called You’re Welcome’, from the Disney movie Moana. In this song, Maui a demi-god talks about how Moana can thank him for how awesome he is and all the great things he’s done.

“Okay, okay, I see what’s happening here You’re face-to-face with greatness and it’s strange

You don’t even know how you feel, it’s adorable

Well, it’s nice to see that humans never change

Open your eyes, let’s begin

Yes, it’s really me, it’s Maui, breathe it in

I know it’s a lot: the hair, the bod

When you’re staring at a demigod”

This leads to today’s prompt: How judged do you feel on a daily basis? How much is real? How much is imagined? What do you stop yourself from doing because of said judgment?

 

How interesting it is looking at the above lyrics, I’m sure there are some out there who are comfortable saying these things. For most of us though, this immediately brings self-judgement to mind. “This is so arrogant, it’s not even true, I am not a demi-god so there is no way I’m that awesome. What will people think if they hear me say these things?” Off our mind runs about why all these things are so wrong. We believe so strongly that we are living our lives under a microscope, we don’t see the truth. If we are caught up in worrying what others think isn’t everyone else? If that’s the case do they really have time to care about me? On a daily basis, I feel intensely judged, to the point I just want to hide, away. How do I hide from myself? I judge myself more than anyone else ever could. So how do I hide from me? Well, I stop myself from doing anything out of my comfort zone, or that gets me recognition. I settle for a basic life.

That’s pretty sad when I think about it. For 28 years I have lived half the life I could because of self-judgment and the fear it created of the judgment of others. Now what… what do I do with this realization? I have two choices accept it and keep going or… CHANGE IT!!!! Change nope no thanks too scary right? Wrong, cause that’s what this is all about CHANGE!!! So how do I do this? I am going to add another daily challenge and as scary as this is I am going to make it public….. Gahhh it seems to help me hold to it. Every day when I wake I am going to talk to myself about how awesome I am. Then I am taking one of those things and posting it as an affirmation. I encourage you to do the same. Let’s spend this summer healing our shadow and building our confidence.

Here is my first one! I am worthy of love just as I am!!

As always, thanks for listening, please comment down below.

Love and Light Morrigan.

Shadow Work Day 4

 

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Good morning lovely people! Welcome to day 4 of shadow work. Today’s questions were spurred by a fight I had with someone very close to me. One of the things it’s done is made me think about anger, how I deal with and respond to it.

Here it goes: Talk about the different ways in which people have expressed anger towards you or in front of you. How did you respond? How do you feel about it?

 

I have been trying to respond to this question for almost 15 minutes. No success! Anger terrifies me. Both my own and other peoples. I have mentioned in my other posts that I spent a lot of time in self-destructive situations. As you can imagine that lead me to a lot of angry people. The backlash of that was that I became a whipping post for people’s anger. Even if it wasn’t my fault or they weren’t mad at me a lot of the time, they took it out on me.

As a result, I have seen and experienced so many different expressions of anger, from breaking things, screaming, crying, hitting, yelling, silent treatment, etc.

Now even if people aren’t angry at me, just mad in general, I still feel unsafe. My own response works one of 3 ways: I either get quiet and hide away or I get angrier so as to scare the other person off, or I try to create a worse situation to distract them from their anger. None of these things are healthy.

Anger is not actually a bad thing, and in life, it has lead to some pretty amazing revolutions. So where do I go from here? Well, I have started to learn better ways of dealing with anger and slowly I am able to recognize it for what it really is… an expression of emotion. I have also learned how to communicate with angry people. Lastly, I have a circle of people who are conscious of how they express their anger.

As always thanks for listening feel free to comment down below.

Love and Light and Morrigan

Shadow Work Day 3

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Good morning my beautiful people. Today’s prompt is a particular favourite of mine. It was something I came up with watching a video by Teal Swan called “You can’t heal your self out a desire” She talks about how people believe that they can get rid of a desire they don’t want by healing the trauma around it. The truth is that has the opposite effect it usually causes the desire to grow stronger. A lot of the time people do this because they feel the desire will lead to pain. They don’t take the time to stop and understand why they have this desire and how it could be worked out. This inspired a set of questions, here goes:

What desire are you trying to heal out. Why? What are the consequences?

 

For me this was such a loaded question and video. I feel like I have spent 90% of my life trying to heal out of desires. The one I realized for me had the most impact and consequences, was the desire to be loved and accepted (Authentic, sudden realization that was the real desire). I believe everyone of us has been there at some point in life. Now my reason for wanting it to go away was because it was never something I was able to achieve.

It seemed that everytime I tried I ended up experincing more pain. It became a big dark demon that I wanted to irradicate. In trying to irradicate it though I only managed to make it grow stronger. The concequenses of this were endless. I became desperate for this love, authenticity and acceptance. So I did everything I could think of to bring that response out of people. Usually it lead me to putting myself in some pretty dangerous and destructive situations, or engaging in pretty destructive behaviours. I systematically drove everyone away from me, keeping friends was impossible, I was never truly close to my family. All those who tried to get close to me were hurt as well because they had to ride the roller coaster of emotion with me. I was like a tornado of destruction. I’d blow in shake up peoples lives and blow out just as fast.

All because of this desire I didn’t truly understand,or know existed. It was all subconcious. Even today I just realized that a big peice of it was the desire to be authentic. To be exactlly who I felt called to be even if it didn’t gel with who I was taught to be. I am no longer trying to heal out of this desire, I’m just going to be my authentic self and learn to accept that not everyone will be able to accept that but the right people will.

 

As always thank you for listening. If you feel like sharing comment down below!

Love and Light Morrigan!!

Shadow Work day 2

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Good morning lovelies!!! Today is day two of this summer of shadow work, as I meditated this morning, I was focusing on the word joy. It caused me a lot of anxiety, I had a hard time focusing on it. Hence today’s shadow work prompt:

Find something that is causing you frustration at the moment. Then try creating an uplifting, poem, song or art piece about it.

Here it goes:

She walks alone in the shadows, it’s the safest place for her to be.

She carries her shame and pain like a badge of honor.

Every day the burden grows heavier till she can walk no longer.

Collapsing she thinks this is the end.

She smiles, she’s been waiting for the freedom death brings.

Her skin feels warm and there are noises all around.

Opening her eyes she is blinded by lights and faces.

‘Thank god you’re awake, it’s okay we have you.’

‘You’re safe now.’

No! She thinks no this was not supposed to happen.

This is not safe, light brings pain, disappointment, she was almost free.

She yells at them but they just smile and hold her.

She fights they hold tighter.

Whispering it’s real this time.

She can trust it.

She is free.

Slowly warmth seeps through her.

A quiet peace descends.

She falls limp in their arms and lets the pain seep out.

Please let it be real she begs.

Let it be real.

She can feel it in her soul that this time it is.

Slowly those fractured pieces become one.

She rises in grace and beauty, I am free, I am whole.

She walks in the light, pulling in those from the dark.

She holds them and says it’s real this time.

She is peace.

We can all be peace, that is one of the things I hope to achieve this summer. Please share yours in the comments down below. Thanks again for listening.

Love and Light Morrigan

Shadow work day 1

 

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Hello lovelies. Today is day one of my summer shadow work. Here is our first prompt:

How do I bind myself and to what do I bind myself? What notions enslave me? What opinions have I taken on without questioning?

 

I decided to start with this because yesterday it played heavily into my day. I have been called to a very specific spiritual path, but due to notions of unworthiness, I have been running as far away from it as possible. Yesterday this calling confronted me and man did I wrestled with these questions.

This morning I sat down and decide to face them. I came up with a list of things, some I didn’t even know I believed and lived by. I would not consider all of them to be shadows, but the ones that are I am going to sit with today. It is time to begin the process of integration.

I want to make something else clear: some of the things that popped up are a natural part of life and the human experience. These are not meant to be overcome but embraced, loved, and seen for what they are. We must learn how to work with them instead of against them.

Here is a small screenshot of my list:


  • Peoples’ opinions of me
  • Defining myself by my past
  • Self doubt
  • Everyone leaves
  • Lack of worthiness
  • Titles
  • Avoiding opportunities because of past mistakes
  • Hiding from past mistakes and people of the past

(Thank you heaps and bunches to Ripples of Insight, check out her blog for taking time to edit this!!! )

Thank you all for listening and joining me on this journey. If you feel called, I would love to see some of your answers in the comments below.