Shadow Work Day 3

adult alone backlit black and white
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Good morning my beautiful people. Today’s prompt is a particular favourite of mine. It was something I came up with watching a video by Teal Swan called “You can’t heal your self out a desire” She talks about how people believe that they can get rid of a desire they don’t want by healing the trauma around it. The truth is that has the opposite effect it usually causes the desire to grow stronger. A lot of the time people do this because they feel the desire will lead to pain. They don’t take the time to stop and understand why they have this desire and how it could be worked out. This inspired a set of questions, here goes:

What desire are you trying to heal out. Why? What are the consequences?

 

For me this was such a loaded question and video. I feel like I have spent 90% of my life trying to heal out of desires. The one I realized for me had the most impact and consequences, was the desire to be loved and accepted (Authentic, sudden realization that was the real desire). I believe everyone of us has been there at some point in life. Now my reason for wanting it to go away was because it was never something I was able to achieve.

It seemed that everytime I tried I ended up experincing more pain. It became a big dark demon that I wanted to irradicate. In trying to irradicate it though I only managed to make it grow stronger. The concequenses of this were endless. I became desperate for this love, authenticity and acceptance. So I did everything I could think of to bring that response out of people. Usually it lead me to putting myself in some pretty dangerous and destructive situations, or engaging in pretty destructive behaviours. I systematically drove everyone away from me, keeping friends was impossible, I was never truly close to my family. All those who tried to get close to me were hurt as well because they had to ride the roller coaster of emotion with me. I was like a tornado of destruction. I’d blow in shake up peoples lives and blow out just as fast.

All because of this desire I didn’t truly understand,or know existed. It was all subconcious. Even today I just realized that a big peice of it was the desire to be authentic. To be exactlly who I felt called to be even if it didn’t gel with who I was taught to be. I am no longer trying to heal out of this desire, I’m just going to be my authentic self and learn to accept that not everyone will be able to accept that but the right people will.

 

As always thank you for listening. If you feel like sharing comment down below!

Love and Light Morrigan!!

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